[Warning: This post may contain some mild cussing] 

If you do not mind mild cussing, then read on, and view the majesty of this post. It’s about the Nachos this year. And it took me hours to write and edit, so you better read it, or else death awaits you.

Note: Be on the look out for hyperlinks! They’re red and underlined in case you didn’t know. [And just so you know, the ones that aren’t drawn, or are of my hand are not mine, they are from Imgur.com]

Welcome  to our glorious special edition of 50 Shades of Nacho.

In this edition Beeky and Puckley have some fun with BDSM, while Ads watches intently, his little innocence destroyed. Unfortunately  the rest of my manuscript has been stolen Wood Elves and so I have to give you this monotonous drone of garbage that is the Review of 2012. By the end of this you’ll be wishing that the world had ended.

January saw the Nachos win the Club Penguin Army Central Christmas Chaos. [They think their use of alliteration is smart -.-]. The true glory of the CPACCC [Abbreviated as its full name is stupid] began when we defeated  destroyed ACP in the semi-final. This is because the Nachos are the greatest army ever, and no one can deny that because everyone else wears  Viking hats, and the Vikings were stupid. What kind of people attack monks? In fact, they’re not even Viking hats, the Vikings didn’t wear horns on their hats. The others need to stop being Viking-wanabees, at least the Spanish/Spanish Mexicans wore sombreros. In fact, sombreros are the smartest hat to wear in Club Penguin, as it stops the sun that is reflecting on the ice from getting into our eyes, which leads to our pin-point accuracy and outstanding tactics.

Anyway, after the semi-final we faced the Ice Warriors and Ninjas in the final, during the final I got high on Mountain Dew and Dairy Milk chocolate [It’s chocolate not candy] [Is that medically possible?]. We maxed around 60+ in the final [Ok, that might be an exaggeration.  But there were still a hell of a lot of people there] the Ice Warriors probably maxed around 5 more than us, and the Ninjas got about 20. However, our tactics were pristine, and were some of the greatest performed in CP armies [Yeah, pressing buttons is an art form] and we dominated the Ice Warriors’ constant puffle bombs throughout the whole battle.

And cue the video that I’ve made everyone watch at least 50 times.

Oh, how I love Mike Shinoda.

As the month moved on a new war erupted. One against our “dreaded” enemy. The Army of Child Porn. Yes, the army that attempts to make 10 year olds strip on cam, so Jcapp may have his daily pleasure time. Why did they or we declare war on them? I do not know, and I am too lazy to find out.

The war raged into Febuary  but both of our sides were too stubborn to admit defeat, even though ACP war obviously losing.

Eventually the Light Twats decided to join the war, because they don’t know how to win a war by themselves, and rely on other armies to help them. Naturally, we eventually backstabbed LT. And formed “ANDI” [ACP, Nachos, DW and IW] the name was obviously made by ACP, because they’re the kind of idiots who would think of something stupid like that. No one liked ANDI, because alliances are stupid.

As you can see, I’m not doing the tactic, as I am formally protesting against ANDI [In reality, I was just afk.]

At some point in this war, we ended up with Dashing Snow as leader. Yeah, this guy;

What he doesn’t realise, is that their faces are like that because they’re attempting to look at it, but can not find it.

Hurricanex1 eventually retired as well, and King Kinz became leader, again. And soon enough we were all dressed in purple and worshipping him at night while sacrificing goats… or was that just me?

During the months of March and April, as far as Puck’s image post that I’m basing all this on is concerned, we did pretty much nothing, however April is the greatest month of the year, as this is when the awesome people have their birthdays, ok, people shouldn’t be in plural form, let’s redo it; as this is when the awesome person has his birthday, yes, that amazing person is Chrisi Blule, Chrisi Blule is the greatest person to walk this planet, and that isn’t opinion, it’s fact. It’s not like I’m biased towards him or anything.

Oh wait, what am I saying? We had a war against Pirates in April, you know those neo-nazi pieces of shit? This was the most boring war of all time, they invaded at UK times, when we couldn’t show up in force, and we invaded at US times, when they couldn’t show up in force. By the end of that war wrist-slitting was perfectly acceptable.

[Note from this point on, I’m not really going to keep track of the leaders, because I don’t want to]

During the month of May we decided to declare war on SWAT, SWAT is an army of noobs. It’s worse than ACP. We attempted to bamboozle them into defeat, with our tactics, because let’s be honest, if you perform a cool tactic, you’re going to make the enemy cry.

MMMMMM LOOK AT DAT X. Fun fact: The letter ‘x’ is a letter in the word ‘xylophone’.

Ok, according to Puck’s post, after that we faced against some armies in some tournament…. blah blah blah…. it was made by CPAC, which means it was obviously biased, and we didn’t win it, so it was definitely biased, because the Blues brothers have no sense.

But then the fun begins! The war with ACP began, a war that would go down in history.

At the beginning of the war, we weren’t doing so well against ACP, we suffered some defeats… [I don’t know if the next image is from a defeat, I doubt it]

However, we finally got our act together, and became the most powerful army in Club Penguin at the time, we destroyed ACP, and brought them to the brink of extinction, yeah, we did the FBI’s job for them, and killed the child molesters. ACP eventually admitted defeat, and we got an amazing response from Capn;

YES WINNING IS WHAT SUPPORTS MY DARK DESIRES, WELL, THAT AND PORN.

The Light Twats went on to fight against the ACP and act like they destroyed them, but they didn’t. It’s just that ioioluk is a psychopath.

When August  came we greeted the first openly gay Nacho owner, Wilson500. Along with the Olympic Games.

ACP eventually went on to break the treaty that was created after we defeated them, so  to stop them from stepping even further into the abyss, Boomer created some “Cold War” nonsense, it would have been easier just to have a normal war, but no, we have to be different here in the world of CP armies.  It’s not like any real countries have had “Cold Wars” 🙄 Within the Cold War we would raid each others’ servers. Of course Capn however got upset that ACP was still super small.

Fact: That is my favourite line ever.

And just because it’s funny, here’s another picture of Capn being upset;

September saw the biggest crisis of the year, it was practically the end of the world as we know it, tears streamed down the eyes of Nachos everywhere, the legendary amazement that is Chrisi Blule retired, it was truly a sad day. We then went on to have a war against SWAT, and SWAT made loads of silly posts about how we were an awful army and it was LT that beat ACP etc 🙄 but Chrisi Blule (yeah, that legendary guy again) made some posts that ripped apart the rubbish in SWAT’s posts. We then went on to win that war.

As we got further into November we, being the lovely people that we are raided one of ACP’s events, eventually into escalated into an all out war. And then it got even funner, LT and DW decided to join the war, because we didn’t really cause ACP’s downfall, LT did *nods sarcastically*. Then being the “rubbish” army that we are, we defended our server from a joint invasion of ACP, LT and DW (and SWAT, I think?).

Another interesting thing to happen during the course of November was the US presidential election, which showed that the Nachos are too brony at the momenet.

As a Brit, I supported Kim Jong-Un for their election.

And we came into December, and ended the Year with a bang, by having numerous events that had good numbers of troops. And ultimately proving that 2012 (is at the time of writing) was the

YEAR OF THE NACHOS

But the funny thing is, 2013 will be too. Because we Nachos like to do things differently.

Thank you for reading.

~Not Chrisi Blule

Filed under: The Nacho Army |