Nacho Army of Club Penguin

~ Hola CP Army Community, AkaBob22 here, with the most important CP Army News of 2015 ~

This is going to be a long post, but the content within holds massive changes to every facet of army life.

I recommend you take a seat, turn on some music, and be ready for the coming storm that will swallow everything you know about armies whole.

For your assistance, this post will be divided into four main parts. I advise you read them in order, but if you want to skip to a certain part, go ahead.

1. The Slow Genocide of Small Armies: How YOU Can Commit Illegal Wars And Be Rewarded For It!
2. Phony Anchormen: The Destruction Of CP Army News As We Knew It
3. The League Of Snakes: How The World Assembly Is A Failure And Needs Replaced
4. A Bleak World, Reborn: The Road To Recovery For All Armies
5. ??????????

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The Slow Genocide of Small Armies: How YOU Can Commit Insane Abuse Of Power Without Repercussions!

Ever since the inception of Club Penguin Armies, there have naturally been many different types of armies, all looking for their own slice of the pie that is the servers on Club Penguin. From ACP to SWAT, from IW to FGR, and everyone in between, there is no shortage of people looking to make a name for themselves on the world stage. Naturally, not everyone is as charismatic as Person, or calculating as Commando, so there will be a form of natural selection that separates small armies from the big armies. This results in the larger armies taking a larger slice of the pie whilst the small armies have to deal with the scraps that are left behind. Seems like the only logical way for things to go, right? Well, what if I told you that the system currently set in place absolutely shoves small armies into the grinder, and allows the ever greedy major armies to grab and swallow every server possible in the name of “fairness”?

In this post, you will see a piece of legislature brought up called The Mammoth Conventions. It is intended as a guideline to all armies on how to fight each other and gain territory, but as you will see it is an incredibly misleading article intended to make the rich richer, and keep the poor in the dirt.

So here is the first clause of the first convention, which are requirements to invade someone. This clause details what an army is, to those who ratified the conventions and follow them. As we can see, there is already a glaring problem. In order to even be considered an army, you MUST follow these rules AND be recognized by an institution known as The World Assembly. We will get to TWA later, but this is already making small armies seem sub-human and inferior to larger armies. If you, say, don’t want to follow the rules listed below or don’t agree with them, then you might as well kiss your sorry ass goodbye, because no one in TWA will recognize you as an actual army, no matter how many members you have or events you carry out. However, lets say by some miracle that your army is in TWA. You’re safe, right? Think again, friend.

According to the conventions, if you want to invade a server and, y’know, be an actual CP Army that does CP Army things, you have to not only be recognized by The World Assembly and have your nation on a server map (hosted on none other than RPF‘s site), but it must be classified as a legitimate invasion by TWA. And if you’re not classified, or follow those two rules? Then you can’t invade anyone. No one will recognize your invasion, and you’re wasting your time. All those long hours sitting on a server, getting people to join your army, and finally making your first move are entirely fruitless, because TWA says so. But again, lets say you’re lucky that you got in on the ground floor of TWA, and you’ve been recognized as a small army, followed all the rules up until this point, past the meandering trail of bullshit, and have your own nation which you can use to invade established armies. Good! You finally caught a b-

Oh. I guess not. In order for a small army to get its first server, it has to be pummeled by a major army in a war so the major army has to give them a server. You know what happens after you get your first server, and want to invade another large army (since they hold the vast majority of servers [according to TWA])? You have to repeat this process again. Since the larger army will inevitably win, and take the only server you have, it then forces that major army to give you one of their servers to keep you afloat and still recognized by The Mammoth Conventions. This is absolute insanity from someone who isn’t in a major army. It completely discourages new and growing armies to even try and fight back. In order to keep this as brief as possible, I will address the following clauses as one.

So, if you are a small army and realize the insurmountable odds put in front of you, you might want to call for some help in your war. After all, fighting with your friends that you’ve made over your career is second only to leading your own army to glory on the field of battle. Take Clause 2 here. If you invade with allies, that means your enemy is allowed to pull in allies as well. As a small army trying to cut a small slice of the pie away from a larger army, if the major army decides you aren’t even worth the time to fight, they can call in a medium or large army who is their ally to fight on their behalf. Isn’t that a crock of bureaucratic shit? Your army is already at a disadvantage, and unless you’re a god of persuasion which can call everyone to your aide, you will inevitably lose the fight, even if you’re somewhat equal size to the large army (again, according to The World Assembly). Now, I see some of TWA saying “B-but Aka! Section 3 Clause 1 says that the defending army must pursue the fight no matter what!” Yeah, thats bullshit. I can send one soldier online to monitor the situation, call that my defending force, and my ally has his full army to support my one man army, and this clause will still work to the favor of major armies. That is not alright.

Now, I can sit here and go through every clause made here and find some way that people are going to get absolutely fucked by it, but let me give you an actual example that I have witnessed in my two days of being back and talking to people.

Recently, The Rebel Penguin Federation declared war on The Nachos. I got on the RPF website, and see the following post to justify the war:Alright, so the rundown for any non-Nacho out there. The Nachos, currently a Small Army by TWA standards, decided to leave TWA. Alright, fine, thats just how things are, right? No one established in CP Armies has not heard of The Nachos and the wars and glory that the name carries with it. From the Winter Fiesta to the Golden Ages to the creation of leadersip with multiple leaders, The Nachos are a legendary force in and of themselves. However, RPF, who are conveniently one of the few armies to actively come out and support The World Assembly and The Mammoth Conventions, have decided that since The Nachos are no longer apart of TWA that they are

• No longer an army
• Are considered a “rouge force”
• All Nacho land is free for the taking
• Nachos cannot retaliate against RPF, because they do not have a nation recognized by TWA.

Do you not smell the level of unnecessary bureaucratic bullshit that comes off of this declaration? Who is RPF to decide who and who isn’t an army? Yeah, RPF has been around since The Nachos (The Nachos are actually older than RPF), but this in no way legitimizes the claim that The Nachos aren’t an army. It is abuse of power to the highest form that you can take it, plain and simple. However, RPF has been committed to their slow power creep over the years, and this is made apparent in the next topic:

Phony Anchormen: The Destruction of CP Army News As We Knew It

Extra! Extra! Read all about it, CP Army Soldiers! These reporters and CEO’s you’ve come to know and love are unfortunately not the unbiased newsmen you’ve come to expect from a news source. But hey! At least they realize that and make no effort to hide it!

Ah. Oops. My mistake.
Well, we can give them the benefit of the doubt. I mean, its not as if they put these same reporters and CEO’s in charge of ranking armies every week to determine who is classified as a major army and who is classified as a small army. It is just a news site that people read for fun, right?

Oh. They do. By the way CPAC, for future reference, if you want to be true to your stance as a news agency, then report news and do editorials. No news agency should ever be in charge of arbitrarily ranking armies. That is the job for a separate agency all together, which will come up later in the conclusion.

Alright, well maybe the editors are biased, and maybe the site claims the opposite, and maybe they happen to be in charge of ranking armies, which is something you should only trust to an incredibly unbiased person on the outside. Anyway, next to all the Top Ten Army rankings, there are a set of numbers which denote points that an army has, and by doing events they gain points. If an army does not do as many points as another army, they will lose points and fall down the Top Ten, until they move down to the SMAP Top Ten, or fall off the map completely. The idea behind it is very nice, but in all of these Top Ten posts, there isn’t any metric next to the points an army gains or loses at all. Sure, there may be one buried back past hundreds of posts, but why does that task fall to the viewer?

Now now, I hear you CPAC/SMAP CEO’s. “Ch-check the full statistics!!!” Alright, so lets do that together viewers.

Alright CPAC/SMAP, I am looking at this list of statistics and it does nothing but list numbers. What is tactics? Why does every army get either 24 or 30 points for tactics, for seemingly no reason? UK/US/AUSIA Average? What the fuck? Do you know what “average” means? That doesn’t mean the highest size that the army had! That means you average the numbers across the whole event to come down to the mean number of soldiers that were on. Look at the “Event Quality” section. Again, are you just pulling numbers out of the air? How is “Event Quality” determined? Do you walk around and ask if there were streamers and a parade happening and grade it off that? This is not the viewer’s job to discern these things; it is up to CPAC STAFF to TELL these things to people IN THE POST.

Honestly, its becoming a chore to even say that CPAC or SMAP don’t know how to do their jobs, because it has been said so many times in every chat room that now it just filters out into white noise. However, even with all of the above out of the way, its not like they are giving high ranks to armies that actively engage in multi-accounting/logging to increase their size…

FUCK

Okay, okay, okay. Maybe, maybe I’m just an angry person in a room of calm people and I am exagerrating everything and making it seem worse than it is. There isn’t anyone who agrees with any of my above statements and I am just stirring shit up just to stir it up, right?

Seven likes, huh. I guess a lot (compared to the old days of CP Armies at least) of people agree with Meta‘s statement. Well fuck me.

So I guess that pretty much puts the nail in the coffin for CPAC. Biased reporters covering their tracks by saying that they are accurate and fair, assigning arbitrary numbers to rank armies (which the majority of soldiers use to judge armies) that have no explanation to how they are scored, putting people who openly use bots and multi-account to the top of the list, full knowing that these armies partake in such things, yet giving no consequences towards those armies, to the detriment of everyone else. Tell me why hasn’t this site been reworked or abandoned yet? The shiny graphics? Or is it all the advertisements that lead back to the site from army sites?

The League of Snakes: How The World Assembly Is A Failure That Needs Replaced

“So, Aka…” you are asking. “You mentioned The World Assembly and The Mammoth Conventions before. Why do we need to do away with these things, rather than rework them?”

Well, I have got some answers for you, friend!

Let’s take a look at the post that claims why we need The World Assembly at all, to begin with.

Apparently, there is an issue that there are no concrete rules to fighting in Club Penguin. This is news to me, I mean we’ve been through this long without a lengthy set of rules, why do we need this at all? However, moving on from that, there is also the need for someone to “win” wars here and have it decided by the group that is the most popular with the army community for some unspecified reason. “Sure! Lets do that!” said a small group of people with a lot of power in the CP Army sphere, by the names of Boomer, Omega, Oagalthorp, and Commando. These boys/men, very influential in their own rights (two being former leaders of ACP, and two being former leaders of RPF), decided to make this choice for all armies to start The World Assembly.

Here are the “purposes” of The World Assembly. To save time, the above image is the original one posted on the CP Armies site…

And this is the accurate definition, from everything we have seen so far.

To address each point more in depth,

• Small armies are already put into the dumpster in terms of having a voice through The Mammoth Conventions, and armies that are not apart of The World Assembly also apparently do not exist. Remember kids, if you shut your eyes and put your hands over your ears while repeating “The World Assembly doesn’t recognize you!” enough times while your server is burning to the ground by an “illegitimate army”, the mean men will go away!
• There is going to need to be some major changes to ensure this. To the point of the entire thing needing to be restructured.
• Remember that World Assembly meeting that happened last Sunday that was supposed to have happened at 1:00pm? You neither? Damn.
• Who is TWA to decide things for YOU and YOUR ARMY? Why do people who do not represent you and your army getting to decide how things are in the way you run your army? This isn’t a court case.

Okay, thats fine. This is a lot more cut and dry than The Mammoth Conventions. There is a minister for large army disputes, and a minister for “small” army disputes/”everyone else.” I wonder who these two ministers are. They should be very fair, balanced, and calm people to take up such an important spot. I am just ecstatic so see that CP Armies have produced such reasonable individuals.

Ah. Okay.

Well, given that this organization has started last month, we can already see that things are going just great. But, wait. This begs the biggest question so far. WHICH ARMIES ACTUALLY AGREED TO ANY OF THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE? Why is this organization just forcing itself onto people/armies and assuming control of things? Why is everyone allowing this to happen and for people to just take over every piece of army life?

From what I have seen, the only two armies who have agreed openly about this are ACP and RPF. No one came to Nachos, Ice Warriors, Dark Warriors, and other large armies about this, nor did they come to the small armies either (because fuck those small army guys and their feelings, am I right?). However, by agreeing to all of these rules and deciding to take place in The World Assembly, you are allowing any member nations to run your army and decide what they will do with your servers. And from the RPF declaration of war shown earlier in this report and the updated server map once The Nachos left, it seems that EVERY ARMY IS IN THE WORLD ASSEMBLY UNLESS THEY EXPLICITLY SAY THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE IN IT FOR THE ABOVE REASONS.

Every single person in The World Assembly is being played like puppets on strings, using the mouths of corrupt reporters as their mouthpiece, and destroying small/non-member armies to the benefit of TWA, along with RPF and ACP. When you allow snakes to run the world stage and make the rules of the game that you did not sign up for for you, the only thing that prevents open revolt is ignorance of the issue. ACP and RPF recruits cannot be blamed for this situation, but rather the demons in the leadership who intentionally use rules they made to force people to obey their laws.

A Bleak World, Reborn: The Road To Recovery For All Armies

Here is where the hard questions have to be asked. What in the end can really be done, when there is a mountain of shit that extends to the heavens? When the tendrils of corruption extend this deep into army life, what can the average recruit/small army leader/major army leader do to revive this great game that we have enjoyed for 10 years? This is the game that we made out of Club Penguin, and we are the reasons we stick around for so long to make friendships that extend outside of CP Armies and into real life (I have met a couple people from this game in real life just due to the camaraderie we had). The issue isn’t so much of how can we do it, its making an effort for us all to partake in it.

Believe it or not friends and rivals, that Club Penguin Armies won’t be around forever. We can all look around and see the decay; it is no secret. Should we keep going down this path that we have been, nothing will change other than the armies in the Top Ten. There is a time to change everything around you into something great, and that time is right now. If you settle down, become sedentary, and are content watching each one of your friends drop one by one due to CP Armies getting boring, then you are the person I hate the most. You willingly let everything leave you until you are left with nothing, and there will never be any sorrow in my heart if you just let the world pass you by.

If you want to make a change with me and to not bring back the old days of CP Armies, but to create a glorious future of activity, equality, and bloody warfare, then I am your closest ally in this fight and we will meet plenty of soldiers who feel the same and will fight with us.

To start off, either TWA needs to account for all the grievances put forth by this post and visibly show change and commitment towards accomplishing these changes, or hand the reigns over toward an organization that shows punctuality. Its a fucked up world that in a game about being on time to things and reporting for duty that our leaders can’t do the same as the most basic troops.

Second off, there is absolutely no reason as to why there are not ministers chosen for their respective positions. No excuse is good enough to excuse an organization with this much planning and time invested in it to not have a Major Army Minister and a Minor Army Minister at the ready.

Thirdly, there must be some changes made to The Mammoth Conventions. Preferably as soon as possible. You cannot continue to mislead people with laws of warfare that punish those not apart of an organization that they do not wish to be apart of, or the fact that they are not as strong as a larger army that they must be punished for it.

Fourthly, someone must finally take the first step in the fight against bots, multi-accounts, and auto-typing. It is absolutely pathetic that people are this lazy for their army that they have to make fake accounts to advertise the army for them. Getting people to join your army is one of the most rewarding experiences of CP Armies, and getting enough real people to become a major army is extremely satisfying because you have achieved something in the community. When an army uses bots, that is akin to turning on the cheats while everyone is watching and then claiming that you are the best. Either by my hand or someone else’s, armies and people who use these programs will be rooted out and brought to the light for all to see how utterly unfair it is to everyone else for this to continue to happen.

Finally, I am not against RPF declaring war on the Nachos, believe it or not. However, excuses like “They are an illegitimate force with no nation” can be utterly rebuked by looking at this website. The RPF must retract their statements regarding The Nachos that they claimed in their declaration of war. If you want to fight for “empty” land that “no one” owns, then you will be in for a rude awakening when you see The Nachos all over that land, ready to prove that they are indeed a nation and that they are defending their land, which has been theirs for many years now and cannot be “won” by making such incredibly stupid claims.

With this post and the right people in the right positions across the CP Army globe, I believe we can knuckle down and make some actual change around here in restoring this game to something great. And I will be there for it all, making sure it is all done right and in the common interest of every soldier, no matter what their rank is.

These are changes that we will have to make together, and we WILL make them, together.

-Aka

Filed under: The Nacho Army |