Nacho Army of Club Penguin

Aunt Arctic’s power and influence makes Rupert Murdoch look tame. Not only is the agony aunt Club Penguin’s sole journalist, she is the director of its only spy organisation. The prospect of a penguin having complete control over the entirety of the intelligence agencies and the media is perhaps the scariest prospect in existence. This is a complete disaster for civil liberties upon the island. It is up to each and every member of Club Penguin to fight for their freedom. There is no doubt of Aunt Arctic’s rule of tyranny, the filters are proof enough that freedom of speech is unwelcome upon the island. Armies are the last bastion of penguin’s freedom of expression.

A pressing issue concerning Aunt Arctic is her name itself. Asides from it implying that she is each and every penguins Aunt -raising questions over the problem of inbreeding on the island- the word ‘Arctic’ shouldn’t even be uttered in an Antarctic environment.

Penguins do not live in the Arctic, nor do they venture there, and by example of Herbert – Club Penguin’s number 1 villain- it is evident that the Arctic is the biggest threat that the Antarctic faces. Forget global warming, the (literal) polar opposite of the Antarctic is a threat to the the very survival of Club Penguin. And yet here, the most powerful and influential figure in Club Penguin openly supports the Arctic with her name. How can someone in a position of such authority in our world be allowed to carry on with such heinous views? The community cannot continue to allow Aunt Arctic, an enemy of Club Penguin to continue to operate further within her position. We must fight back. Man the streets, man the barricades, man your weapons. The citizens of Club Penguin must fight against the great dictator and be rid of her for once and for all.

Club Penguin responded to an email I sent them about the issue;

My original email;

Their response;

Ignoring the disgusting typo, which under the regime of Aunt Arctic will result in poor Vanessa’s contract being terminated, Vanessa is wrong. WRONG. Aunt Arctic does not wish to visit the Arctic, it is clear with her ardent support of it that she has already been there. Aunt Arctic’s scary ideology is being shoved straight down everyone’s throat, and no one is noticing. Why has the fact that there is only one media outlet in Club Penguin never been questioned? Why is there no regulatory body for the CP press? Why are the EPF the only intelligence organisation on the island? Why do some penguins DISAPPEAR FOREVER? N0 one questions these issues because they live in perpetual fear.

Club Penguin is in a sorry state. The citizens of the island need hope. Hope that they can express their views in peace. Hope that the EPF will not knock on their igloos one day. Hope that Aunt Arctic’s rule will come to an end.

Club Penguin lacks any form of democracy. There is no elected body who’s power relies on the penguins’ confidence. We must fight for democracy. We must unite to end this horror. Go forth and cry this message; freedom, liberty and democracy for the penguin masses. End Aunt Arctic’s reign of terror. Long for the day that all penguins are equal.

Thank you,

Chrisi Blule

No, I was not under the influence of any substances while writing this, I’m just weird.

Filed under: The Nacho Army |